I am tired. So, so tired that this is going to take me forever. I still have not gotten anything done, which includes all of the assignments that are overdue. I just want to sleep. Like I said I have no focus anymore. I am getting thinner now and it is easier the farther I go. Once I start to feel bone I will do anything to keep from going back. But its getting to me, I can tell. I need to hibernate for several days and forget about the world. I dream of the lulling pull of sleep and I keep thinking to how I got so far behind.
Today my calorie intake was around 600, which is not so great for me. Atleast I am losing the weight though. I didn't eat anything except for a bit of salad at lunch ( so people would stop staring at me) and pasta for dinner, which came out to alot because it was creamy penne a la vodka which probably had my whole days worth of saturated fat packed into it. Ugh
No wonder why I am zoned out. It is probably a survival mechanism to block out the constant fighting. Overbearing/Bitchy mother + Angry Father + Just expelled and just as angry brother= a shitload of noise. I wish there was somewhere quiet to think. I need somewhere where I can just be and stop thinking. The more I think, the more things come back that I don't want to think about. These are the things that have gotten me to this point and turned me over into someone I would not recognize.
The pasta in my stomach hurts. That's what happens when you stop eating, and cut out fats. When you put them back into your body, it doesn't know what to do with it. I hate the way it feels but it reminds me that I messed up. I should have found some way to get a salad.
I have so much going on right now and for some reason I can't write about it. I am tired of talking about me and others and things. I just want to shut down for awhile. I know this post is depressing, but I guess this side of me is more of the truth than anything else.
Stay Strong and if you need support I am here.
<3ItLiesHeavy
No comments:
Post a Comment