Well, Hello.

I'm more committed than ever. I always say this, but I think I've finally overcome my horrible laziness. For awhile I've debated whether I am ready to come back to this; I know I am. Early in the year I was being watched. Their eyes only went to my plate to discern how much I'd eaten. It is easy to say I wasn't safe. Atleast I'm the same weight now as before, so I've maintained. I joined sparkpeople.com because they have a super convenient tracker for food and exercise. Im happy to say that ive already lost a couple pounds in just the last few days, although I have to admit I've been abusing it. You're supposed to stick to their minimum calorie limit of 1200 but I usually can't even break 800.

Is it pathetic to say that I miss having a boyfriend? Because I do. I've had some hook ups recently, all of which I feel somewhat indifferent about. I feel like I need to fill something that's missing. Lmfao, I promise I have not turned into a man-eater; I actually crave a respectful and stable relationship. There was this guy Alex, but the issue is our age difference. At this point in my life it does matter. I don't want a guy whose ready to be buying a house when I'm still in highschool. What's amazing though is that he's one of the first guys I have not felt self conscious around, which illustrates my improvement. Usually I'm terrified of letting a guy see me naked (although, and I say this in the best way, it hasn't exactly stopped me). Right now all my friends have guys and I'm not feeling desperate so much as just missing what it feels like to have someone to love.

My new goal now is to reach 93 by the new year. Its only half of my total goal, but my biggest problem is setting my goals to impossible standards. My weight loss is not what I want it to
be...ugh...but I know I need to remember that I've been putting on alot of muscle.

Tomorrow I'm going to visit New Britain for a youth forum meeting and I hope to god that I can avoid the pizza. I have the opportunity to fast all day since I won't be home for dinner so I need serious will power not to fuck it up. 4 pounds is my weight loss goal for this week.
Keep busy and stay strong
Much Love,
ItLIESHeavy <3