Introduction

"I want to have control. I want a perfect body. I want a perfect soul"

Most people can't understand. 

                                             And so they criticize. 

                                                                            And so they hate. 

That's not what this blog is about. I am writing this blog not only for myself, but maybe for another Ana who feels lost in a battle for perfection. I lust for thin. I beg for perfection. I scream for control. 

                              

                I am Pro Ana. I embrace it.

This is my story and my journey, hopefully towards perfection. I struggle everyday for the high of a lower number. a lighter soul. 

As most Anas would tell you, it is a love/hate relationship. I am both a floating feather and a sinking rock. I can't handle the slide of food down my throat like poison, yet my stomach longs for its comforting caress.

BAD
        BAD
                BAD!

my mind screams. It is a life of contradiction. I know it is wrong and dangerous and sick. I don't care. I have always put others before myself and now I will do the same thing to say this. I have an eating disorder. If you don't then you don't want one. I want mine, because I have it. As a fair warning it is not something you want to get yourself into. If you aren't Pro Ana please leave and never look back. Love your body, because I will never be able to love mine.

I don't live my life with disclaimers, so from here on out when I tell about my journey I won't be writing them.

     For all my lovely Anas welcome to my world.We are all in this together so

                                              <3 STAY STRONG <3

Day 1<500
B: 1/2 slice toast w/ minimal butter (37.5)
     1/4 cup yogurt (25)
     1 cup green tea (0)

S1: 1/5 cucumber (11.5)

L:1/4 cup tuna fish (60)
    2 cups lettuce (15)                          <----- This makes such a filling meal for 75 cal!
    1 tbsp white rice vinegar (0)

 S2 : 1/4 cup yogurt (25)

D: 1/2 bagel w/ whipped cream cheese and lox (round up to 300 to be sure)

Total: 449 calories